The Heart of Worship

Lord,

Forgive me.

I have failed to worship you every day.

I have made it all about me.

I continually ask you to quench my thirst, when I should be satisfying you.

I have failed to be intentional about my time with you.

I go through the motions.

I don't make it about your heart, but about my emotions.

I let my emotions drive my actions.

I give up too soon.

Help me to bring it all back to you and focus on Jesus.

I long to come back to the heart of worship, where my life is no longer about me, but about you.

I love you, Lord.

Thank you for the cross.

Amen.

life is beautiful.

life is a journey that i cannot comprehend, and i don't think i will ever be able to fully understand it.  but i do know one thing.  i am on this earth for one thing.  one reason.  to bring glory and honor to my creator Jesus Christ.  i want to spread God's love like wildfire.  i've been so blessed and i don't understand why i've been given so much.  i don't deserve any of it.  thank you, Lord.

lauren.

Thankful.

i'm thankful for friends.

family.

a warm bed.

food to eat.

a school to go to.

the clothes on my back.

people to look up to.

church.

the ocean.

the ability to run.

to dance.

to sing.

to speak freely.

mountains.

the smell of asphalt after it rains.

rain.

volleyball.

music.

art.

photography.

black and white photos.

wrinkles.

old people.

sisters that would lay down their lives for you.

brothers who would take a bullet for you.

mothers who will cry for you even when they don't know why you're sad.

fathers who you fear when you are young but look up to so much you want to be just like them.

best friends who will run to your rescue after you lose a grandparent.

a God who knows me and loves me all the same.

lately, i've become desensitized and ungrateful. i've let myself become numb to life instead of reflecting on all of God's amazing blessings He's placed in my life. my friend lauren told me she was leaving pba to go to another school, it didn't hit me until this weekend when she left for a vacation. i took her for granted. it just reminded me how often we take each other for granted and how often we take Christ's blessings for granted.

Nothing Makes Sense

Christianity doesn't make sense.

God doesn't make sense.

Life doesn't make sense.

Nothing really makes sense.

We cannot explain anything.

We always fall short in everything.

We always give ourselves to empty things.

We end up chasing the wrong things.

Where will we go when we leave Earth?

What will we do when we have nothing Earthly?

How will we go on without our selfish desire?

Why can't we defeat evil sooner.

What if the beauty of this mystery is that we have our faith?

Maybe that's what God wanted since the beginning.

Maybe that's why He sent His only son to die for us.

Maybe He's loved us all along.

Maybe He still longs for a relationship with us despite our shortcomings.

Maybe He's the only one that can defeat the evil that is lurking inside of us.

Maybe He has already nailed all of our sin to the cross.

Maybe everything we have done is completely washed away by His blood.

Maybe He wants to spend eternity with us.

Maybe He wants us to share Him with the world.

Because everybody is equally loved by a great and mighty God,

Who yearns for a conversation with His children,

Who created His people in His image and made them for a purpose,

Who is the son who died for his people,

Who is the spirit that dwells inside his people,

Who is the God that comforts and loves and is never changing.

Maybe while everything else is constantly changing we are forgetting the One who has always stayed the same.

Maybe we don't need all the answers to believe.

Maybe our biggest fault is that we live by sight, rather than by our faith.

Maybe our lives could change through a relationship with the One God who saved us all.

Legacy.

Sometimes I get to thinking about what it really means to leave a legacy. I don't see it as becoming famous or getting on tv or in the newspaper etc., but just as something that has meaning to one person. I do not want to leave this earth without impacting someone's life positively, because what they see in me may impact their eternity, whether I'm aware of it or not. I think one of the greatest things we can do with our lives is to love unconditionally and show that love on a daily basis, because love has the ability to wash away any bad feelings or emotions and can wash away our sin. This is what Jesus died for. He was and is love and it is our job as humans to display that love to the best of our ability so that others can live life to the fullest and live the way that God intended them to live. We were never meant to live this life alone. We help each other to learn, laugh, grow, teach and discover, but none of this would have happened without someone making a difference; leaving behind a legacy. I read in a book once that legacy really is "Leaving the campsite better than you found it." So one final thought and question is, am I leaving people feeling better about themselves after I face them? If I find them feeling down, will I do my best to love them unconditionally so they will be better off when I leave them? I will spend the rest of my life working at this and also failing, but I can only hope that I will not be forgotten so soon once I am gone.

Here's an old poem I just finished from October:

What will they remember, when I leave this place?

Was I kind, loving and gentle, or did I just take up space?

Was I there in times of need, when you were feeling sad?

Or was I selfish and uncaring of all the pain you had?

Did I forgive my enemies and those who tore me apart?

Or did I hold a grudge, deep inside my heart?

Did I express emotion, in rude and selfish ways?

Or was I glad to live in Christ, thankful for each day?

I am sorry if I hurt you, or ever caused you pain,

I am different from who I was, and will never be the same.

Though I may glance behind often time with regret,

I know that Jesus Christ my Lord has already paid my debt.

You look around and staring back at you 
Another wave of doubt will pull you under 
You wonder 
What if I'm overtaken 
What if I never make it 
What if no one's there 
Will you hear my prayer 
When you take that first step 
Into the unknown 
You know that He won't let you go 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too 

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground 
No time to waste, don't wait 
And don't you turn around, and miss out on 
Everything you were made for 
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more 
So you play it safe, you try to run away 
If you take that first step 
Into the unknown 
He won't let you go 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too 

Step out even when it's storming 
Step out even when you're broken 
Step out even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up 
Step out even when your hope is stolen 
Step out you can't see where you're going 
Don't have to be afraid 
So what are you waiting what are you waiting for 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too

-Britt Nicole

mmmm..... Valentine's day

Valentine's day is great.  I love this holiday.  Do I have a boyfriend or significant other?  Ha, noooooo.  But have I had time to reflect on how much I love people and how much I am going to love my husband when I finally meet him?  YES.  Valentine's day is a holiday that I have always enjoyed.  Every year, my dad gets us girls cards, teddy bears, or candy to show us how much he loves us.  The only difference between valentine's day and any other day, is that my dad gets to go out and buy cards and candy for us.  He has shown us so much love everyday of our lives.  I can't imagine living a life without the love of a father.  The thing that blows my mind is that my dad is only my earthly father.  His love to me is like gold.  To think that someone loves me more than my dad does is insane to me.  But guess what?  There is someone that loves us more than we could ever know.  His name is Jesus.  There is no greater love than the love we receive from Christ.  I love love.  and I loveeee this day.  Above all, I love Christ.