life is beautiful.

life is a journey that i cannot comprehend, and i don't think i will ever be able to fully understand it.  but i do know one thing.  i am on this earth for one thing.  one reason.  to bring glory and honor to my creator Jesus Christ.  i want to spread God's love like wildfire.  i've been so blessed and i don't understand why i've been given so much.  i don't deserve any of it.  thank you, Lord.

lauren.

Thankful.

i'm thankful for friends.

family.

a warm bed.

food to eat.

a school to go to.

the clothes on my back.

people to look up to.

church.

the ocean.

the ability to run.

to dance.

to sing.

to speak freely.

mountains.

the smell of asphalt after it rains.

rain.

volleyball.

music.

art.

photography.

black and white photos.

wrinkles.

old people.

sisters that would lay down their lives for you.

brothers who would take a bullet for you.

mothers who will cry for you even when they don't know why you're sad.

fathers who you fear when you are young but look up to so much you want to be just like them.

best friends who will run to your rescue after you lose a grandparent.

a God who knows me and loves me all the same.

lately, i've become desensitized and ungrateful. i've let myself become numb to life instead of reflecting on all of God's amazing blessings He's placed in my life. my friend lauren told me she was leaving pba to go to another school, it didn't hit me until this weekend when she left for a vacation. i took her for granted. it just reminded me how often we take each other for granted and how often we take Christ's blessings for granted.

Nothing Makes Sense

Christianity doesn't make sense.

God doesn't make sense.

Life doesn't make sense.

Nothing really makes sense.

We cannot explain anything.

We always fall short in everything.

We always give ourselves to empty things.

We end up chasing the wrong things.

Where will we go when we leave Earth?

What will we do when we have nothing Earthly?

How will we go on without our selfish desire?

Why can't we defeat evil sooner.

What if the beauty of this mystery is that we have our faith?

Maybe that's what God wanted since the beginning.

Maybe that's why He sent His only son to die for us.

Maybe He's loved us all along.

Maybe He still longs for a relationship with us despite our shortcomings.

Maybe He's the only one that can defeat the evil that is lurking inside of us.

Maybe He has already nailed all of our sin to the cross.

Maybe everything we have done is completely washed away by His blood.

Maybe He wants to spend eternity with us.

Maybe He wants us to share Him with the world.

Because everybody is equally loved by a great and mighty God,

Who yearns for a conversation with His children,

Who created His people in His image and made them for a purpose,

Who is the son who died for his people,

Who is the spirit that dwells inside his people,

Who is the God that comforts and loves and is never changing.

Maybe while everything else is constantly changing we are forgetting the One who has always stayed the same.

Maybe we don't need all the answers to believe.

Maybe our biggest fault is that we live by sight, rather than by our faith.

Maybe our lives could change through a relationship with the One God who saved us all.

Legacy.

Sometimes I get to thinking about what it really means to leave a legacy. I don't see it as becoming famous or getting on tv or in the newspaper etc., but just as something that has meaning to one person. I do not want to leave this earth without impacting someone's life positively, because what they see in me may impact their eternity, whether I'm aware of it or not. I think one of the greatest things we can do with our lives is to love unconditionally and show that love on a daily basis, because love has the ability to wash away any bad feelings or emotions and can wash away our sin. This is what Jesus died for. He was and is love and it is our job as humans to display that love to the best of our ability so that others can live life to the fullest and live the way that God intended them to live. We were never meant to live this life alone. We help each other to learn, laugh, grow, teach and discover, but none of this would have happened without someone making a difference; leaving behind a legacy. I read in a book once that legacy really is "Leaving the campsite better than you found it." So one final thought and question is, am I leaving people feeling better about themselves after I face them? If I find them feeling down, will I do my best to love them unconditionally so they will be better off when I leave them? I will spend the rest of my life working at this and also failing, but I can only hope that I will not be forgotten so soon once I am gone.

Here's an old poem I just finished from October:

What will they remember, when I leave this place?

Was I kind, loving and gentle, or did I just take up space?

Was I there in times of need, when you were feeling sad?

Or was I selfish and uncaring of all the pain you had?

Did I forgive my enemies and those who tore me apart?

Or did I hold a grudge, deep inside my heart?

Did I express emotion, in rude and selfish ways?

Or was I glad to live in Christ, thankful for each day?

I am sorry if I hurt you, or ever caused you pain,

I am different from who I was, and will never be the same.

Though I may glance behind often time with regret,

I know that Jesus Christ my Lord has already paid my debt.

You look around and staring back at you 
Another wave of doubt will pull you under 
You wonder 
What if I'm overtaken 
What if I never make it 
What if no one's there 
Will you hear my prayer 
When you take that first step 
Into the unknown 
You know that He won't let you go 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too 

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground 
No time to waste, don't wait 
And don't you turn around, and miss out on 
Everything you were made for 
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more 
So you play it safe, you try to run away 
If you take that first step 
Into the unknown 
He won't let you go 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too 

Step out even when it's storming 
Step out even when you're broken 
Step out even when your heart is telling you, telling you to give up 
Step out even when your hope is stolen 
Step out you can't see where you're going 
Don't have to be afraid 
So what are you waiting what are you waiting for 

So what are you waiting for 
What do you have to lose 
Your insecurities 
They try to hold to you 
But you know you're made for more 
So don't be afraid to move 
Your faith is all it takes 
And you can walk on the water too

-Britt Nicole

mmmm..... Valentine's day

Valentine's day is great.  I love this holiday.  Do I have a boyfriend or significant other?  Ha, noooooo.  But have I had time to reflect on how much I love people and how much I am going to love my husband when I finally meet him?  YES.  Valentine's day is a holiday that I have always enjoyed.  Every year, my dad gets us girls cards, teddy bears, or candy to show us how much he loves us.  The only difference between valentine's day and any other day, is that my dad gets to go out and buy cards and candy for us.  He has shown us so much love everyday of our lives.  I can't imagine living a life without the love of a father.  The thing that blows my mind is that my dad is only my earthly father.  His love to me is like gold.  To think that someone loves me more than my dad does is insane to me.  But guess what?  There is someone that loves us more than we could ever know.  His name is Jesus.  There is no greater love than the love we receive from Christ.  I love love.  and I loveeee this day.  Above all, I love Christ.  

there is beauty in simplicity

i wish i could go back and appreciate the days when life was "simple"

Our God is a awesome God!

Though the world seems to rip me apart,

I know that my Savior remains in my heart,

Patient and still, he is there when I call,

Even if I cannot hear him at all.

So be still my soul, and do not fear,

For the Lord my God will always be here,

He will bring me from death back into the light,

Because I am his child, precious in his sight.

He is my shelter when the rain and clouds come,

He will help me persevere, until the storm is done,

I have no reason to put faith in anything,

Except for my Lord, my Savior, my King.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2

lead me.

sometimes i wish i didn't have to lead.  my whole family is full of amazing leaders and i feel like i need to follow in their footsteps. i constantly question whether or not i have what it takes to lead.  coming from a family of 7, being a part of a team comes natural to me because we constantly have to work together to live life together.  i know that i've been called to be a leader.  sure, i can be a good leader and just get by.  to be a great leader, i'm going to need to be led.  i have all of these questions about life, love, and leadership.  i constantly ask other people for answers, but i've found that the only place i'm going to get the RIGHT answers is from my Lord and Savior.  

once again, i can't write so i'm sorry if this was hard to read..

Which is best: voice or text?

Has anyone ever given a gift they thought was very meaningful and they worked extremely hard to put it together perfectly? Then the person who received the gift did not seem very grateful? Not necessarily that they weren't grateful but they didn't really express their gratitude in the best way? I once worked really hard on a gift for a friend that I put together carefully and it took me weeks to finish. Then I finally got around to sending it and when it was received I also received a "thankful" TEXT message. I was a little bit heartbroken over this for some reason. I guess a text does not do the same as a call or even a thank you note. I had made other gifts for two other friends and received calls from them and it just made my day knowing that they truly appreciated what I had spent time on for them. I noticed the difference that it made from getting a text message to getting a phone call. There is just something about hearing someone's voice in expression of gratitude, even if it is on a voice mail. I learned a lesson from this and my hope is that I can change this by being so grateful and appreciative of what I receive from the people close to me and that I can have the heart to give them a call and tell them that. I am not saying that I want praise for the things I give to people and I do not expect any gift in return, I would just love their time more than anything and now I also realize that time is truly the best thing I can give back to people.

We Laugh

We Cry

We Make Time Fly

Best Friends Are We

My Sister

And Me

How can God love a sinner like me?!

Kristin Here!

I'm not a great writer, so, bear with me.  I've been reading this book called crazy love, and I'm about eh almost half way through it.  If you know me at all, you know that I don't read.  It's like pulling teeth to get me to read.  But anyhoooo, I've learned so much about love in just 59 pages than I have my entire life.  I think a lot of it has to do with the situations that I'm in right now, but that is another story for another time:).  The most precious and greatest love that we can ever receive is the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  It is the best gift that we could ever receive, if we choose to receive it.  God's love is so abundant for us that we don't even realize it.  We are so caught up in who "likes" who, who's dating who, who lovessss who...blah blah blah that it consumes our lives.  If you think about it, what earthly love that you have ever received has ever fulfilled you?  Sure, it may fulfill you for a second, but then it's gone.  The only love that is everlasting and true is the love of our God, the creator of the universe.  I still struggle with the fact that God wants me even though I sin time and time again.  But at the end of the day, I know that God loves me.  He's pursuing me in  a very real way.  He's pursuing ALL OF US.  I don't think I will ever grasp how much He truly loves me, and wants a relationship with me.   

The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing that God treasures us.

OH HOW HE LOVES US!!!!!!!!!

Someday the sun will come and all of our troubles will melt away!

Hi, it's Emily. It is raining today in Fresno and it is supposed to stay this way for ten days! I am usually one to love the rain, but here it doesn't smell like fresh mountain montana rain, but dirty, grassy fresno Californian rain. Eew. I did have a nice refreshing run in the rain the other day, however, and found great joy in jumping through all of the small rivers that had formed along the edge of the curb. It really is the small things in life that bring us the greatest amount of happiness. Like my dog, for example. She is little, but has the ability to brighten my day with her giant puppy eyes that I really miss a lot right now:( A text message might be something small but also something that comes at just the right time and says just the right thing to make you feel better and lets you know that someone truly cares about you and your well-being. Some things just bring you joy and then there are other things that drag you down into a hole filled with dirt and spiders. I consider myself a kind person who tries to get along with everyone until someone I try to get along with completely makes me feel like I'm worthless. What really makes a person better than another? I may not be that good looking but in my opinion what is on the inside counts more than any physical appearance and I don't like being judged before even getting to know a person. It hurts my feelings. And pulls me into that scary hole of anger and bad moods. I don't like spiders either. So there are so many other awful things that have the ability to get us in bad moods like a pointless assignment or a boring class or an angry apartment owner that yells at you...I don't think any of us really like any of those things. I think what we need to do is forget about all of the bad things and do our best to focus on the little joyful things we can give to each other to make our surroundings more bearable when it seems like all there is is rain and fog for the next two weeks.

i'd rather forget and not slow down than gather regrets for the things i can't change now.

Hi, it's Kristin!

Here it goes:

As I pour out my heart,

Please be sure not to throw darts,

I have not done this before,

But I know one thing is sure,

I will always be honest and never tell a lie,

And I always enjoy having my sister by my side,

When we go back to school,

And get played by tools,

I know I'll always have someone to talk to,

Whenever I'm feeling blue.

Gazing into the light with sadness, then the sun warms my face and i am happy....

Emily here,

i am one of a kind, unique in many ways

i like to listen to slow music, and sing in the car most days

two features about myself, that i do very much dread

one being my butt chin, the second, my five head (large forehead)

i'm constantly teased that i have a butt on my face

and constantly reminded that my forehead has too much space

the truth of the matter is, that i can't control the crevice in my chin

and that having a big forehead isn't really a sin

so, God made me the way i am and made me very special

so i don't need no plastic surgery, makeover, or facial

i've accepted the fact that i'm somewhat flawed

and i know i'll never have the perfect "bod"

but i know that one thing is true

God loves me the way i am, and he loves YOU too!